Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Radioactive” True Blood Season 6 Episode 10 Recap

Anti-climax, Nordic penis, and an unnecessary time-jump.

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Well, that was a trainwreck…True Blood’s sixth season finale is downright terrible and no amount of unnecessary six-month time jumps, fairy vampire maypoles, or full frontal nudity can save it.  And this season was doing so well, what with my beloved Sarah Newlin and the zany antics of Fangtanamo… But no, True Blood had to go and screw the were-pooch, leaving us with the most anticlimactic 51 minutes I’ve spent since watching the finale of Big Brother UK yesterday (WE ALL KNEW SAM THE DEAF WELSHMAN WAS GOING TO WIN, DIDN’T WE, AMERICA?!?!).

Let’s just get this over with.

Sookie is thinking deeply about life and death as Terry gets buried and for some reason, Alcide, very large and homeless-looking, is there consoling her. Sookie still doesn’t know where Jason is but she knows he’s a survivor; he’ll get by. Just as Alcide tries to say something deep and…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Fuck the Pain Away:” True Blood Season 6 Episode 5 Recap

In which I wax poetic about the F word.

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Don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten about True Blood; I was just on vacation in Spain where table wine is cheaper than water and “Black from the Waist Down” is a real song. Thanks to OffToTheGraces for covering Episode 3, fairy CGI and all. As for Episode 4, here’s all you need to know: Ben is Warlow and also the brother from Pacific Rim which was mediocre but I kept the 3D glasses so overall a win.

But on to True Blood: as you can tell from this episode’s classy title, the name of the game is Pain. The name of the drinking game is Fuck. It’s the third word of the episode and from then on, the writers just sort of toss it in there every 30 seconds regardless of context, tone, or syntax. At one point, The Governor says Fuck You four times in one sentence and…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Who Are You, Really?”: True Blood Season 6 Episode 1 Recap

I’m officially recapping season 6 of True Blood over at Tube Top Television. If you’ve missed the nonsensical plot points (re: Vampire Bible) and Sookie’s gap teeth as much I have, check it out.

Tube Top Television

Oh, True Blood. You silly, silly goose.

True Blood’s that person you knew in college who seemed normal at first but then turned out to be real crazy and you were really glad you didn’t have to keep running into her after graduation and it’s been a while so now you just remember her as quirky but then you run into her and instantly it all comes flooding back and there’s a naked bloody vampire goddess and she hasn’t changed at all and maybe she got even crazier and it’s awful and you hate yourself but you can’t stop watching. Which is to say that I love True Blood, but I hate myself for loving it and also I hate True Blood. I haven’t had this complicated of a relationship with something since I still don’t know why my college girlfriend broke up with me but look directly above for…

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