Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Life Matters” True Blood Recap Season 6 Episode 9

An emotional funeral and also a man gets his penis ripped off.

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Wow, going for the gut, True Blood. I honestly have no idea what they’re going to do next week for the finale because this was a doozy of an episode both emotionally and in the sense that a man’s penis was ripped off. Unlike most episodes of True Blood, Episode 9 doesn’t jump arbitrarily between all 83 of its main characters; instead, it jumps back and forth between two story lines/locations: the sober, life affirming (LIFE MATTERS! DRINK!) reality of Terry’s funeral and the absolute nonsense going on in Fangtanamo. As such, this week I’m going to plow through the episode chronologically instead of trying to sort it out plot by plot.

We start in Fairy Dream Land where Sookie is gnawing at her own arm trying to save immortal fairy vampire Warlow after Eric drained him. Bill watches super impatiently. If Bill wants that magic fairy daylight…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Dead Meat” True Blood Recap Season 6 Episode 8

The best businesswomen on businesswomen fight to the death you will ever see.

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Apparently, writing a crazy TV show is like riding a bicycle. Once you learn how, you never forget. You might get hit by a car or a ludicrous Great Plague of London flashback but you get back up and keep pedaling to Crazy Town, which is to say, True Blood is back in form this week (albeit a more emotional, less hyper-manic form than usual). This episode also has the best businesswoman v. businesswoman fight to the death I have ever seen and I used to watch a lot of The Apprentice. But I digress…

We start in the sad Nora-popping-like-a-blood-bag aftermath of last week. Eric is clearly working through the second stage of grief as he angrily blames Bill for not foreseeing Nora’s death. In fact, he’s so upset he wants to renege on the two vamps’ plan to capture Warlow. Instead, he gets all heretical up in…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“In the Evening:” True Blood Recap Season 6 Episode 7

THE PUSTULES HAVE FORMED.

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True Blood is a crazy show. There are vampire-fairy-immortals, casual beheadings, and wall-to-wall merkins. The show operates on Crazy Level 11 so when an episode is only at Crazy Level 8, it’s still downright ridiculous compared to every other show on TV but, as a True Blood episode, it’s disappointing. This week is one of those episodes. Not even the world’s worst 17th century vampire/plague flashback can save it. But hey, just cuz the Titanic hit one bad iceberg didn’t mean the whole boat gave up on its journey and went back to England, right? Right.

Let’s begin. In Fangtanomo, Eric, Nora, and Willa are still in disguise and still on the run. It’s not long before someone finds the armless, lifeless guard they left behind and hits the alarm though. Nora is getting worse and worse as the Hepatitis V makes its way through her scary, purple…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Don’t You Feel Me?” True Blood Recap Season 6 Episode 6

“I CAN’T WAIT ANY LONGER, TAKAHASHI!”

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Like my relationship with True Blood, much of this episode exists in a shiny, comatose fairy-dream-world secluded from human society. Like my relationship with the CVS down the street, much of this episode is about taking (Extra)care(bucks) of the ones we love. Also, the writers realize they should start killing characters to make up for the 137 they added in the first three episodes and there is nothing I love more than a good TV death. Can I get an amen?

We open on possessed Lafayette baptize-drowning Sookie in a river. But just as everyone’s favorite Southern waitress that Anna Paquin plays on an HBO show called True Blood is about to drown, Warlow runs in and saves her. He then fairy-blasts Sookie’s dad out of Lafayette, Daddy starts bawling, and Sookie White-Fangs her old man: “Go on! Git!” What a boring pre-credits sequence. All I got from it…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Fuck the Pain Away:” True Blood Season 6 Episode 5 Recap

In which I wax poetic about the F word.

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Don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten about True Blood; I was just on vacation in Spain where table wine is cheaper than water and “Black from the Waist Down” is a real song. Thanks to OffToTheGraces for covering Episode 3, fairy CGI and all. As for Episode 4, here’s all you need to know: Ben is Warlow and also the brother from Pacific Rim which was mediocre but I kept the 3D glasses so overall a win.

But on to True Blood: as you can tell from this episode’s classy title, the name of the game is Pain. The name of the drinking game is Fuck. It’s the third word of the episode and from then on, the writers just sort of toss it in there every 30 seconds regardless of context, tone, or syntax. At one point, The Governor says Fuck You four times in one sentence and…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“The Sun” True Blood Season 6 Episode 2 Recap

Fairies and vampires and wolves, oh my!

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After all the hullabaloo of last week’s manic pixie dream premiere, True Blood has settled into a relatively more relaxed and (in my opinion) more enjoyable groove in this week’s episode. That being said, this is still True Blood so even in a low-key week, the writers are introducing at least five new characters and making sure every other scene is a blatant statement on civil rights in America. At least everyone finally washed off their full-body blood shellackings.

We pick up right where the last episode left off. In fact, I feel like every episode picks up right where the last one left off to the point that have the last 5 seasons actually just been a super crazy 9 days in Bon Temps? Hmmm. Anyway, the runic vampire contract by Sookie’s bed is still glowing. Across town, a Stargate™ appears on a bridge and out steps…Warlow?…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Who Are You, Really?”: True Blood Season 6 Episode 1 Recap

I’m officially recapping season 6 of True Blood over at Tube Top Television. If you’ve missed the nonsensical plot points (re: Vampire Bible) and Sookie’s gap teeth as much I have, check it out.

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Oh, True Blood. You silly, silly goose.

True Blood’s that person you knew in college who seemed normal at first but then turned out to be real crazy and you were really glad you didn’t have to keep running into her after graduation and it’s been a while so now you just remember her as quirky but then you run into her and instantly it all comes flooding back and there’s a naked bloody vampire goddess and she hasn’t changed at all and maybe she got even crazier and it’s awful and you hate yourself but you can’t stop watching. Which is to say that I love True Blood, but I hate myself for loving it and also I hate True Blood. I haven’t had this complicated of a relationship with something since I still don’t know why my college girlfriend broke up with me but look directly above for…

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