Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Radioactive” True Blood Season 6 Episode 10 Recap

Anti-climax, Nordic penis, and an unnecessary time-jump.

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Well, that was a trainwreck…True Blood’s sixth season finale is downright terrible and no amount of unnecessary six-month time jumps, fairy vampire maypoles, or full frontal nudity can save it.  And this season was doing so well, what with my beloved Sarah Newlin and the zany antics of Fangtanamo… But no, True Blood had to go and screw the were-pooch, leaving us with the most anticlimactic 51 minutes I’ve spent since watching the finale of Big Brother UK yesterday (WE ALL KNEW SAM THE DEAF WELSHMAN WAS GOING TO WIN, DIDN’T WE, AMERICA?!?!).

Let’s just get this over with.

Sookie is thinking deeply about life and death as Terry gets buried and for some reason, Alcide, very large and homeless-looking, is there consoling her. Sookie still doesn’t know where Jason is but she knows he’s a survivor; he’ll get by. Just as Alcide tries to say something deep and…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Life Matters” True Blood Recap Season 6 Episode 9

An emotional funeral and also a man gets his penis ripped off.

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Wow, going for the gut, True Blood. I honestly have no idea what they’re going to do next week for the finale because this was a doozy of an episode both emotionally and in the sense that a man’s penis was ripped off. Unlike most episodes of True Blood, Episode 9 doesn’t jump arbitrarily between all 83 of its main characters; instead, it jumps back and forth between two story lines/locations: the sober, life affirming (LIFE MATTERS! DRINK!) reality of Terry’s funeral and the absolute nonsense going on in Fangtanamo. As such, this week I’m going to plow through the episode chronologically instead of trying to sort it out plot by plot.

We start in Fairy Dream Land where Sookie is gnawing at her own arm trying to save immortal fairy vampire Warlow after Eric drained him. Bill watches super impatiently. If Bill wants that magic fairy daylight…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Dead Meat” True Blood Recap Season 6 Episode 8

The best businesswomen on businesswomen fight to the death you will ever see.

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Apparently, writing a crazy TV show is like riding a bicycle. Once you learn how, you never forget. You might get hit by a car or a ludicrous Great Plague of London flashback but you get back up and keep pedaling to Crazy Town, which is to say, True Blood is back in form this week (albeit a more emotional, less hyper-manic form than usual). This episode also has the best businesswoman v. businesswoman fight to the death I have ever seen and I used to watch a lot of The Apprentice. But I digress…

We start in the sad Nora-popping-like-a-blood-bag aftermath of last week. Eric is clearly working through the second stage of grief as he angrily blames Bill for not foreseeing Nora’s death. In fact, he’s so upset he wants to renege on the two vamps’ plan to capture Warlow. Instead, he gets all heretical up in…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“In the Evening:” True Blood Recap Season 6 Episode 7

THE PUSTULES HAVE FORMED.

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True Blood is a crazy show. There are vampire-fairy-immortals, casual beheadings, and wall-to-wall merkins. The show operates on Crazy Level 11 so when an episode is only at Crazy Level 8, it’s still downright ridiculous compared to every other show on TV but, as a True Blood episode, it’s disappointing. This week is one of those episodes. Not even the world’s worst 17th century vampire/plague flashback can save it. But hey, just cuz the Titanic hit one bad iceberg didn’t mean the whole boat gave up on its journey and went back to England, right? Right.

Let’s begin. In Fangtanomo, Eric, Nora, and Willa are still in disguise and still on the run. It’s not long before someone finds the armless, lifeless guard they left behind and hits the alarm though. Nora is getting worse and worse as the Hepatitis V makes its way through her scary, purple…

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