Modern American Poetry, Step-Mother Goose

Nursery Rhymes for Today’s Children

The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the waterspout.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.
And the heat death of the universe is inevitable.

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb who was kept in an 8×10 steel cage with 100 other little lambs and force-fed through a tube because Mary runs a factory farm.

Three men in a tub,
Which apparently is ok now.
Thanks, Obama.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch a tiger by the toe,
But just know that if you do that,
You’re contributing to the extinction of a majestic species.

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack hasn’t seen his family in eleven years because he’s a Chinese Olympic hopeful.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
“Who are you? Get away from me. I don’t have any money.”

Pop goes the weasel,
Another casualty of the inevitable heat death of the universe.

Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“The Sun” True Blood Season 6 Episode 2 Recap

Fairies and vampires and wolves, oh my!

Tube Top Television

After all the hullabaloo of last week’s manic pixie dream premiere, True Blood has settled into a relatively more relaxed and (in my opinion) more enjoyable groove in this week’s episode. That being said, this is still True Blood so even in a low-key week, the writers are introducing at least five new characters and making sure every other scene is a blatant statement on civil rights in America. At least everyone finally washed off their full-body blood shellackings.

We pick up right where the last episode left off. In fact, I feel like every episode picks up right where the last one left off to the point that have the last 5 seasons actually just been a super crazy 9 days in Bon Temps? Hmmm. Anyway, the runic vampire contract by Sookie’s bed is still glowing. Across town, a Stargate™ appears on a bridge and out steps…Warlow?…

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Other Places There's a Willie, True Recap

“Who Are You, Really?”: True Blood Season 6 Episode 1 Recap

I’m officially recapping season 6 of True Blood over at Tube Top Television. If you’ve missed the nonsensical plot points (re: Vampire Bible) and Sookie’s gap teeth as much I have, check it out.

Tube Top Television

Oh, True Blood. You silly, silly goose.

True Blood’s that person you knew in college who seemed normal at first but then turned out to be real crazy and you were really glad you didn’t have to keep running into her after graduation and it’s been a while so now you just remember her as quirky but then you run into her and instantly it all comes flooding back and there’s a naked bloody vampire goddess and she hasn’t changed at all and maybe she got even crazier and it’s awful and you hate yourself but you can’t stop watching. Which is to say that I love True Blood, but I hate myself for loving it and also I hate True Blood. I haven’t had this complicated of a relationship with something since I still don’t know why my college girlfriend broke up with me but look directly above for…

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From Russia With Love

An Email I Just Received. Literally. I Didn’t Write This.

I sexual Russian blonde, want to see, come closer.

Hey, why do not you write? You forgot about me? “I am very unhappy without you, remember me?” It’s me,Vseslava from Russia, Moscow, remember? I’m waiting for you on his page on the Internet, and miss you terribly!
The charming face,
Become our party and the girl with whom you communicate will send you my photos in underwear form, and most likely you will have sex!
Other Places There's a Willie, Recap of Thrones

G-cap: Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 10

A GCHAT RECAP of the Game of Thrones season finale to tide you over until next year. 

For the 9 months between Game of Thrones’ seasons is dark and full of terrors.

Tube Top Television

Game of Thrones Recap:  Season 3 Episode 10
Apparently you folks liked the G-chat Recap format, so Willie and I saddled up our laptops again for the season 3 finale.  Read our ramblings below for notations of all the important developments, a bit of book-fueled explanation, and most importantly, Willie not on Mucinex.
me:  okay
let’s start in three
 Willie:  woohoo
 me:  handsome nikolaj with the top billing
 me:  he’s already becoming a star
called it from the pilot
hopefully this is just an hour of reaction dialogue and sansa crying
like a ‘next time on mad men’ but traumatizing
 me:  i’m hoping it will be the lannisters just sitting around drinking and sassing
 Willie:  or the karstark spinoff we’ve all been waiting for
 multi-camera sitcom, of…

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Other Places There's a Willie, Recap of Thrones

G-cap: Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 9

It’s just not a good idea to experience the Red Wedding alone. That’s why my friend from Tube Top Television and I gchat-recapped it for your reading pleasure.

Sidenote: I was on a lot of Mucinex.

Tube Top Television

Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 9 G-Chat Recap
“The Rains of Castamere”
Willie and I, your two resident Game of Thrones recappers here at TTTV, have read the books, so we knew what this episode would contain as soon as we saw the title.  Given the shocking content, we decided a live gchat viewing would be the best way to serve the story (plus we live in different cities so we really just wanted to watch tv together again).  If you hate us and our self-indulgent commentary, go ahead and skip down to the second photo – everything you need to know is itemized below it in the chat. Alternately, just watch this to get the basic (traumatic) gist.
me:  Okay, here we go, live gchat of the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones season 3 begins
 Willie:  woohoo!
 me:  one
 Willie:  some times…

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