Both Koreas, ESLOL, Other Places There's a Willie

Actual Dialogues from an English Language Textbook – Unit 1

What happens when real English speakers perform real dialogues from a real English language textbook one of said real speakers found in rural Vietnam? This. This happens.

The first in a series from my sketch/improv team Both Koreas.

Check out our Facebook page for more.

Food, People's Republic of Diner

The Menu of A Diner Whose Owner Watched a History Channel Special on China Last Week and Really Liked It

Uncle Joe’s Diner 
752 Hwy #18, East Brunswick, NJ 08816
(848) 962-3439

Buffalo Deng Xiao-Wings
Chiang Kai-Chicken Tenders
Nacho En-Lai

The Great Walafel
Chicken a la Peking
Feng Shui-dish Meatballs
Macao and Cheese
Mao Ziti-Dong
The People’s Liberation Parmesan (Chicken or Eggplant)
Coleslaw Boat to China

Terra-Cottage Cheese Warriors
Dumplingonberry Pancakes

Ice Cream (Chocolate, Vanilla, Rocky Silk Road)
Tiananmen Lemon Squares
Forget It, Cake, It’s Chinatown

Third Plenary Session of the Eleventh Communist Party of China Central Commit-Tea

First Impressions, YouTube

Three New Impressions

I’ve been working on these impressions for a few weeks now so, hope you enjoy!

International Roast, Ugh Estonia

A Roast of Estonia

What’s there to say about Estonia that hasn’t already been said? I mean, the country’s got so many umlauts in its alphabet, it might as well be a poster from Ikea.

But seriously, folks, Estonia only has a population of 1.29 million. It’s one of the least populous nations in the European Union AND the Eurozone. An Indian train car on The Amazing Race is more populated than that.

And, Estonia, who do you think you are with your mixed Nordic and European cultural background and your third-highest press freedom in the world?  You’re like that kid in fifth grade who gets along better with his classmates’ parents than his classmates because he was annexed to the Soviet Union for 50 years. I mean, seriously.

Okay, let’s talk borders and I don’t mean what used to be my favorite bookstore. Estonia’s bordered by the Baltic Sea to the west and Lake Peipus to the east. Uh, pick a body of water, am I right? What are you, a half-island?

Continue reading

Other Places There's a Willie, Recap of Thrones

Recap: Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 7

***I recapped Game of Thrones for a friend at Tube Top Television this week. The post above is long and full of terrors.***

Tube Top Television

Game of Thrones Recap:  Season 3 Episode 7

“The Bear and the Maiden Fair”

This week’s GoT recap is brought to you by our beloved contributorWillie Myers, who is currently riding a wave of penis-based web popularity but managed to find time to write this anyway.  He is a true American hero.  Enjoy!

George R. R. Martin is back to write his one episode of the season (because he doesn’t have two books and 73 plot points he should be wrapping up) and what an all-over-the-place sex doozy of an episode it is.

Jon Snow and the rest of Mance Rayder’s posse are finally on the slightly-more-pleasant south side of the Wall and the wildlings are going through a bit of culture shock. Ygritte in particular is confused by the idea of drums, banners, windmills, palaces, and the word “swoon.” Of course, Jon Snow finds this lack of…

View original post 965 more words

All of the Emails, Crowdsourcing

Every Fictional Character’s Email Address…Ever

I’m on a quest.

A quest to compile as many  fictional characters’ email addresses as possible. The emails of people from history, from literature, from culture, from music, from Cheetos commercials, from all the places.

I’ve already put together 100 email addresses (with help from friends) but THAT IS NOT ENOUGH.

Read these first 100. Then, put on your fake email hat and make some up yourself.

Write your emails in the form below (or post a comment). Include your name to get some credit. Then, make your friends, frenemies, and enemies do it too. Every few hours, I’ll add new emails to The List until there are LITERALLY no fictional characters left. Not even Jar Jar Binks.

Ok, let’s go.

Continue reading
#rachgiawild, Text Message Tales

A Rural Vietnamese Wedding, As Told Through SMS

On December 4, 2011, I was invited to a wedding in the Vietnamese countryside, two hours away from my home base of Rạch Gía (a provincial capital known for its dried squid and rampant day drinking).

Over the next twenty-four hours, twenty-five text messages were sent and received from my blue Nokia phone.

These are those text messages.

Continue reading